When There Are No Words: Part I

by Gig Girl on July 19, 2010

When I started Gig Girl, one of the things I immediately shared was my struggle to conceive.  I wrote about my two painful miscarriages and divulged that my husband and I were in the beginning stages of the dreaded “infertility process.” You may have noticed there hasn’t been much discussed about the topic since.  I do have some major updates and I’m finally in a place where I feel like I can share.  There is much to write about (some good, some bad, some great) so I need to split it all up into a few different posts.  I promise to keep it as above the “TMI” threshold as much as possible!

Please note that I’ve changed the names of certain parties involved throughout this post…

As previously documented, my last official day of work was February 19th, 2010.  My first unemployed fertility visit just happened to fall on February 20th.  During the ultrasound (you have many ultrasounds/exams/blood tests throughout the month to gauge the quality of your innards and the whereabouts of your whatnots…and yes, I’m pretty sure those are the medical terms) I heard the technician gasp.  Long story short, due to an influx of hormones, my ovaries were swollen to five times their normal size.  To illustrate further (and totally rip off a 1980’s “Just Say No” ad)…

This is your ovary:

This is your ovary on drugs:

Any questions?

Despite the graphic visual, I did have questions…many, in fact.  After I finished peppering the poor assistant RN who was on duty that day (“Dot” the head RN that usually sees me wasn’t in) I learned that enlarged ovaries can apparently wreak all sorts of havoc and conceiving with them can have serious implications.

“So what you’re saying is it’s not a good idea to try this month?” I asked. “No, what I’m saying is you absolutely should NOT try under any circumstances this month,” was her reply. I left the office with my own very personalized, very distinct variation of the “Just Say No” message.  Lovely.

While disappointed, I managed to chalk this little blip in the radar up to my “Man Plans, God Laughs” theory.  I was newly unemployed, I was starting my own business and I was embarking on an entirely new life adventure so clearly those were the things I needed to focus on.  With that in mind, I will spare you all the birds and bees details.  However, I will say that, in our defense, we took the clinic’s input very seriously and for the first time in two years we honestly didn’t “try”…

Three weeks later I took a pregnancy test.  I bought the cheapest one I could possibly find because clearly it was going to be a waste of money.  When the “+” sign popped out at me I thought “Okay, if that’s the indicator window, what’s the result window supposed to be?” and then realized the “+” was my result.  I immediately took the second test and then it hit me; I was undeniably pregnant…and I wasn’t supposed to be…

Every girl dreams and plans how to share the exciting pregnancy news with her significant other.  I too, had those visions…but now was not the time for sentiment – I didn’t need the fairytale moment, I needed the support of my best friend.  So I called the Hubs (at work, nonetheless) and blurted out the news.  We discussed next steps and after I hung up I called the infertility clinic to make an appointment for my official pregnancy test.

As I talked to the assistant nurse, “Kate” (once again, “Dot”, the woman I usually see was out), I very calmly explained that I understand the circumstances surrounding this pregnancy and realize that it is very likely this would result in our third loss.  I was sad…but I was strong and thankful that they told me to come in immediately for the blood test.

“Kate” hugged me when I arrived and after my blood test she sat next to me and rubbed my back in a consoling manner.  I welcomed her kindness, but I realized that if this pregnancy were a good thing, I wouldn’t be on the receiving end of such comforting gestures.  She told me that “Dot” would call me tomorrow with my results and then we would go from there.

As I’ve been through the positive pregnancy test call twice before I can tell you that normally I’d be waiting/sleeping/eating with the phone firmly in hand waiting for an update. This time we prayed and simply went about our day trusting firmly in the fact that we would get through whatever that call delivered to us.  Late in the afternoon, the Hubs noticed I had a cell phone message.  He brought the phone to our room and I put the message from “Dot” on speaker so we could both listen in.

Dot: Hi!  This is “Dot” calling from “So-And-So Health”  I just wanted to call and let you know that your results from the pregnancy test came back positive and your counts look good!  Give us a call on Monday so we can schedule your ultrasound.

After hearing such a positive message, I looked over at the Hubs.  His expression exactly mirrored the emotion I was feeling in that moment – hope.  For the first time in over 24 hours…we were hopeful.  Caught up in our optimism, I didn’t immediately stop and delete “Dot’s” message and it continued to play on.  We heard a lot of words and activity and, at first, I didn’t quite understand what was happening so I immediately played it again.  This is what “Dot” said after she thought she hung up the phone.

Dot: Yeah, so that was yet another weeping woman calling me up…

Background Person: You lost it?!! (Expletive shrieked here)

Dot: (Laughing at the interruption before continuing)…yet another weeping woman calling me up (which, for the record, I never called or spoke to her about this pregnancy…and I NEVER wept on the phone with anyone at the clinic). Just coming off a miscarriage…just coming off her second miscarriage…yeah, it’s (and then she said both my FIRST and LAST name). And now she’s calling me up with her dilemma.  (Heavy sigh) I don’t know why these people do this to me…

Stunned, I looked at my husband and whispered, “Good feeling gone”….

Click here for Part II

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When There Are No Words: Part II
July 29, 2010 at 6:21 am

{ 23 comments… read them below or add one }

Mary July 20, 2010 at 7:37 am

Obviously, Dot is not cut out for this type of work. If I were you, I would take a ride with Hubby back to “Happy Health” and personally ask for Dot (and her boss). I would then play the message for both of them. Let them be aware that due to the sensitivity of this matter, there will probably be a lot of “weeping.” And since Dot is not able to deal with that, kindly ask that she be removed from your case.
You may also ask/demand that she be fired.
You need support now. You have the right to demand that.
I wish you both the best. Thoughts and Prayers.

Rachel July 20, 2010 at 10:17 am

Violation of HIPAA, violation of human decency…congratulations, Dot, you fail at life and probably should lose your job. Weep at that Dot. No worries, I believe in karma.

“That which does not kill us only makes us stronger.” At this rate, I think you should be Superwoman! I’m proud of you for being able to talk about this. Prayers for you and your family!

Sarah July 20, 2010 at 6:22 pm

This story still manages to blow me away. Sounds like good ‘ol “Dottie” was playing the martyr. Seek a new profession sweetheart. Good thing that you have such an amazing support system!

Waiting for Part 2!

melissa July 21, 2010 at 5:17 pm

mother fudger…. she needs a good bum kickin!

Debbie July 21, 2010 at 7:18 pm

I agree with everyone. If she cannot be professional, move on.

Annie B July 21, 2010 at 8:04 pm

What a heifer! Hope you let her boss know so someone could put her out to pasture.

Suzy July 21, 2010 at 10:49 pm

Agreed – I’m kind of mad at Dot right now too. At the very least she should learn to hang up the phone correctly. I might call her on it if it were me…dunno.

Michaela July 21, 2010 at 11:59 pm

All I can say is WOW!! How unprofessional can a person get? I’m with Suzy, I think I might call her on it… I mean really?!

S.I.F. July 22, 2010 at 3:00 am

OK, I do not like Dot. I do not like Dot at all…

I know this has been a few months now, so I am officially on pins and needles to find out what happened next….

Jenn July 22, 2010 at 10:02 am

I think many people these days have just lost compassion…it’s sad, really. What happened to, “Walk a mile in someone’s shoes…”?

Christa aka BabbyMama July 22, 2010 at 3:19 pm

I agree with Mary, above. Save the message and play it for the director. Dot’s attitude and words were incredibly unprofessional – and untrue, to boot. I could see that sort of thing coming out of the mouth of a receptionist or something, but the head RN?!

Gig Girl July 22, 2010 at 4:20 pm

Thanks for the support Christa – it was pretty bad when it happened. We definitely took action (that will be coming up in Part II). The worst part about it all was when I got the call it was from her cellphone and I knew immediately that she wasn’t even in the office – she was talking to a random group of people…about me :(

Gig Girl July 22, 2010 at 4:21 pm

Your comment made me laugh out loud, Annie!! Stay tuned for Part II of this…we definitely did take some action…

Audra July 22, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Just found you through twitter/blogfrog/sits. Goodness gracious! I kept getting chills through the whole post (I just love it when God surprises us after we trust in Him…. and then… “Dot!” My father in law worked for years on Hipaa compliance for years – he’d have a good time straightening her out! Looking forward to part 2

motherknowsless July 22, 2010 at 8:04 pm

You are leaving me here? What!
Who do you think you are Damages season 1?
I am so done with Nurse Ratchett. What is happening with your pregnancy? Post part 2 right now! Okay. I am starting to sound like Nurse Ratchett. I had 4 miscarriages but…… drum roll please……. I now have 4 children! I wrote a post called A Miscarriage Cure. if you get a chance…..
Okay I recommend recording the message on your phone and playing it for the Doctor. Or go in wearing a suit and glasses and briefcase and ask her if she could identify the ‘perpetrator’ on the tape. Gulp!

Liz Amason July 23, 2010 at 6:41 am

Stunned….simply stunned….

Sara R-The Millennial Housewife July 23, 2010 at 10:32 am

Stopping by from BlogFrog… WOW is all I can say to that. I have called the doctor’s Office Manager before and complained about unprofessionalism from their nurses before, but I have never had one that crass and unprofessional! Keep your chin up! Send all your positive thoughts to that life inside you. Prayers go out to you and your hubby!

Trish Gillis July 25, 2010 at 3:11 pm

Are you kidding me?!!!!

Melissa July 25, 2010 at 5:14 pm

I’ve encountered lack of professionalism before, but this is over the top. I hope “Dot” received severe punishment. I’m looking forward to Part II.

You are in my prayers…you, your husband and your baby. All the best!

Mrsbear July 26, 2010 at 9:32 am

Stopping over from SITS to say hello.

I’m so appalled at the lack of sensitivity. I don’t think I’ve ever encountered anything like that, or even thought an ob/gyn office could be capable of this. I think Dot is dead inside. What a jerk!

I’ll be back to learn what happened next. Hope there’s a happy ending. :)

Grace July 28, 2010 at 7:00 am

For punishment, Dot should be injected with a round or two of fertility drugs and made to pee on 100 test strips while reciting HIPAA regulations. What a moron.

Jenny @ Life After yes... July 28, 2010 at 6:38 pm

Hi There! new reader/follower!

I can’t believe how unprofessional Dot was!! I hope you called back and told them what you heard.

chie August 1, 2010 at 12:08 am

Stopping by from BlogFrog…before I comment, jumping on to Part 2 :)

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