Before making my first post public, I struggled with whether to disclose my miscarriages and infertility issues to family, friends and any random who Googled “The Big Girl” and ended up on my blog accidentally.  Initially I thought “Why not?” and decided I would just splash every detail out there.  It’s part of my journey, it’s such a common issue for couples my age and it’s so often something that is never talked about.  Someone needs to talk about it.  I would talk about it!  Then I posted that first time, felt utterly exposed and I completely chickened out mentally, telling myself that merely mentioning it once would be it.  Once would be enough for me.

And then something interesting happened – a few of my girlfriends read my post and reached out to me.  Some simply offered support (one such supporter even walked next door to my house in the snow wearing flip flops to merely give me a hug, share a quick cry and drink a few cold beers in a gesture of solidarity)  Some offered camaraderie and their own current place in this dreadful process.  Some offered hope and encouragement as they had already successfully came, saw and conquered.  All these women I considered friends yet I never would’ve experienced these moments with them if I hadn’t taken that first vulnerable step.

So my final decision falls somewhere in between all and only once.  For those that don’t wish to read about this subject, cover your eyes and quickly move away from this tab.  For those that do, I will post under the aptly titled “TMI”.  I promise I will try to keep them light and as palatable as possible.  Quite honestly, some of the various episodes in this process have been truly hysterical.  We find the laughter comforting.  So if you feel like this particular quest may enlighten, evoke empathy or even entertain please check here for updates.

{ 3 trackbacks }

Bock, bock ba-gock!
May 2, 2010 at 9:18 pm
The Rollercoaster: Part I
July 20, 2010 at 6:24 am
When There Are No Words: Part II
July 29, 2010 at 6:23 am

{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }

Rachel July 6, 2010 at 5:31 pm

I’m right here for you, if there’s anything I can do or any question I can answer, I’d be happy to talk about it. We’ve been trying for 11 years and counting with nothing really wrongf with us…looking forward to success (finally have insurance coverage!!!!)…hoping to be the oldest first time mother in my family’s history (by at least 10 years)…praying that by the time it happens, I won’t feel too old and decrepit. I wish you all the best and know that nothing is ever TMI with me.

bonnie August 6, 2010 at 10:53 am

thanks for following me thru blogfrog. I havent experienced this journey, but I have sat next to a friend on one of her many visits to a fertility clinic, watching the ups and downs. I am so sorry that you experienced this. Thank God for the big signs 😀 I, umm need those too.

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