I’m baaaaack…kinda sorta

by Gig Girl on January 5, 2011

Note To Self: Add “I’m really sure I’ll only need a 2 week maternity leave once the baby gets here” to the ever growing (and already quite lengthy) list of ridiculous things that Gig Girl spouts on an embarrassingly consistent basis.  (I sense a New Year’s resolution in there somewhere about attempting to just STOP saying ridiculous things.  Maybe that’s something to aspire to in 2012…) Yes, I said exactly that to the women I work for doing project management and SEO content pieces.  Fortunately, these women are, and have successfully surrounded themselves with, an entire team of work-at-home-moms.  Some of my fellow staffers have even had maternity leaves recently.  While I’m sure they knew I was being  utterly absurd, they said little and graciously left me an out just in case I needed more time.

I soooooo needed more time.

When I had my first baby, I remember staring into his big brown eyes and distinctly realizing two things.  The first was that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing.  Then the second epiphany hit me – neither did my parents when they first had me!  How unnerving to know that the two people I spent my entire life depending on for love, nurturing, guidance and growth were actually WINGING IT THE ENTIRE TIME!! It threw me and I actually looked at O and felt bad for him – he was stuck with me and now it was my turn to wing it.  I could only hope to be half the pros my parents turned out to be…

This time I had that exact same feeling of benevolence when I discovered that, seven years after O’s birth, I had virtually forgotten everything that happens in that murky, sleepy and incoherent place of newborndom. However, this time I didn’t feel sorry for Tobin.  I knew we’d figure each other out eventually and be fine.  Instead, I felt an enormous amount of pity for the Hubs.  He kept looking at me for direction, for leadership on parenthood – I had nada.  So I did the only thing I could – told my type A++ personality husband to take a deep breath, throw away the script and prepare to go full throttle into the abyss of winging it for the first time in his life.

We’re getting there – it hasn’t always been pretty, and Hubs has given me a few hilarious moments where I felt nothing but pity for myself (tales for another time, I promise), but we’ve finally hit that groove that starts as the faintest “Yes!  We can do this! We can kinda sorta do this!” murmur.  Each day it gets just the slightest bit louder.  We’re praying it’s a resounding roar by the time the boys hit college…

For now that murmur is my green light that I’m ready to get back to the gigs!  I’m on a really modified schedule, but it feels great to spend my day with Tobin and steal a little Ovel/Gig Girl time during his naps and at night without ever having to leave him (otherwise we all know I’d probably just watch youtube Twilight clips the whole time).  I’m grateful to work for such flexible mothers who know better than to listen to the blissfully ignorant rants of a nine month pregnant lady who thinks she can jump back into things after 14 sleep deprived days.  Honestly!!!

Happy New Year everyone!!!  Here’s to a great 2011!

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

shannon tinks January 6, 2011 at 1:06 pm

Go Gig Girl, Go Gig Girl Go! As always, you are inspiring, witty and honest. Your unique perspective on something that seems quite obvious, as always, is right on! I am always amazed to realize that my parents were an ordinary man and woman who didn’t know what they were doing…Talk about on the job training! And they were 23 years old! That means by the time they were my age (late 30’s ish…), they were raising a teenager! Say what? I’m pretty sure I’m better off “winging it” now that I have a little more life experience than they were as kids raising a kid!
Love it!

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