When There Are No Words – The Grand Finale

by Gig Girl on August 4, 2010

For anyone who hasn’t had the chance to read Part I and Part II of this Gig Girl series, please click here and here to connect the Dots…

After hearing Dr. T’s announcement regarding Dot’s dismissal, I immediately burst into tears.  This was certainly not the outcome Hubs and I had been pursuing.  We had anticipated a written warning, a letter of apology and the reassurance that Dot would think twice before talking smack about a patient at the next public scrapbooking event. I hated what Dot did…but I personally know many women that Dot helped cross over that awful, ugly line of infertility and that resonates with me.  I never wanted her fired.

Dr. T stayed and talked with us and completely put the decision on the clinic.  Essentially, they had independently determined that the breach was so severe that Dot simply couldn’t represent the facility a moment longer.  I thanked Dr. T for stopping by (and for the record, I give her a tremendous amount of credit for coming to my door not knowing what kind of reception she would be receiving).  After she left, the Hubs and I just numbly stared at each other, completely overwhelmed with everything that had happened in just 72 hours.  I hit my pillow with a prayer and a mental promise to put the ordeal behind me and start the next day completely focusing on my pregnancy.

That focus started with me transferring all of my records to a neighboring ob/gyn facility in the next town.  This new facility meant that, should this pregnancy progress successfully to labor, I’d have to deliver at “XYZ Hospital” instead of “ABC Hospital” (which was located right in my town and had a brand new birthing facility).  Sigh.

I made it through 2 visits…but something just didn’t seem right.  This new facility just seemed so…clinical.  I missed all the other health providers at “So-And-So Health” that I had grown close with over the past several months.  I missed the receptionists, technicians, physicians and even my favorite phlebotomist who hugged me every time I sat on her bench to draw blood and gauge my plummeting hCG levels with each miscarriage. I spoke to the Hubs about it and, while off his “Sue or Punch” diatribe, still wasn’t completely sold on the idea.

Then something interesting happened.  I received a random call from a girlfriend who lives in my town.  I hadn’t seen her for about a year, but for some reason she reached out to me to see about getting coffee.  We met, chatted and she disclosed that she was actually having a surgery performed the next morning…and Dr. T was her operating physician.

Me: (all sorts of nonchalant) Oh…you go to Dr. T?

Her: Yeah, have been for years.  Love her!  Plus, she does all procedures at “ABC Hospital” and that’s where you want to be.  You never want to have anything done at “XYZ Hospital”… I’ve had procedures done there and it’s terrible.

One thing you should know about me…I do not believe in coincidences.  I went home and told the Hubs that, not only did I want to go back to “So-And-So Health,” I really feel like I’m supposed to go back there based on my morning.

Hubs: (often simultaneously in awe and annoyed at how the universe tends to unfold very clearly before me…stories for another time) Hon, you know…God doesn’t always speak so literally and specifically to everyone like He seems to do with you…

Me: (after a pensive pause) Yes…I understand that.  But God realizes I’ve been really struggling with this and He knows better than anyone else that I’m kind of a dumdum with these things and if He doesn’t spell it out for me, I’m never going to pick up the what He’s putting down!

It was logic the Hubs couldn’t argue with.

Ultimately, I decided that Dot had robbed me of all the joy a mom-to-be should have when finding out that, 2 years and 2 miscarriages later, she’s pregnant…and things look good.  I couldn’t change that.  However, I could take control of a tough situation and ensure that Dot would not ruin or take the joy out of another minute of this pregnancy.  Quite simply, I refuse to let Dot victimize me a second time. For me, that meant returning to “So-And-So Health,” knowing that I’d have care from a group of women I trusted, the doctor I wanted and a delivery at my first choice hospital.

I’ve been really happy with my decision.

As for my pregnancy…I will be 24 weeks on Friday.  The baby is healthy, I’m feeling great and the Hubs and I are completely overwhelmed by this unexpected blessing.  We often talk about how my very last day of work (aka: the very first day in our leap of faith) was 2/19/10 and my due date is 11/19/10

Have I mentioned that I don’t believe in coincidences?

Even so, I know that my two previous miscarriages have left me with some unavoidable emotional baggage which, occasionally, makes it hard for me to completely exhale.  At times, I’m hyper-cautious, extra fragile and very aware that the thought of actually getting to hold this little baby in my arms in just over 3 months seems completely surreal to me.   This is my struggle and, like everything else in my 2010 leap of faith, I try my best to trust God with all that I can not control and all that I do not know.

Let me tell you what I do know. I know that, no matter what happens, this little kiddo growing inside of me is full of feist and spunk.  I know that this little kiddo doesn’t care about swollen ovaries or fertility protocol or how things are “supposed to be.”  This little kiddo is a mini-rule bender marching to the beat of a unique little drum and is simply demanding to be given a chance.

How can you not fall madly in love with a kiddo like that?

{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }

Traci August 5, 2010 at 3:34 pm

After having an miscarriage, a baby we had already named Zoe, my next pregnancy seemed it was going in the same direction. I was rushed into imaging to be told that not only was my pregnancy safe but I was having twins!
We have no family history of multiples on either side I felt sure that the little soul I lost the first time just wasnt ready to be in the world yet. Zoe came into the world with her sister to hold her hand the next time. Zoe and Carys were born happy and healthy and are about to celebrate their sixth birthday and Carys is still leading the way for her very gentle little sister.

Mary August 5, 2010 at 3:50 pm

As a nurse, I am so enraged by the behavior of Dot. Being a patient advocate is the BIGGEST part of being a nurse, at least for me (I’ve even been screamed at my Dr’s for standing by a patients decision).

I also had the same situation as Traci, and my twin boys are almost 5 months old. Can’t wait to see pix in Nov!!

Gig Girl August 5, 2010 at 9:09 pm

Traci, thank you for sharing that. What an amazing way to look at your loss – I never really thought about it that way…that perhaps our children are just waiting for the right time to be born. Having a miscarriage is tough but hearing about success stories like yours is so encouraging.

Gig Girl August 5, 2010 at 9:11 pm

Mary, thank you for the kind words and comments. And I know that you represent the mentality and compassion of the majority of nurses out there, not Dot. Thank you for stopping in!

Michaela August 5, 2010 at 11:35 pm

Congratulations on the good news. I had one miscarriage many years ago and was very nervous when I found out I was pregnant in 2007, especially when I had a scare with that pregnancy at 6 weeks. That little one is turning 2 this Sunday and his sister turned 5 months old today. I wish you all the best and lots of rest in your last trimester!

Gig Girl August 6, 2010 at 6:24 am

Thanks Michaela! And congratulations to you on your two blessings!! :)

Glass Is Half August 6, 2010 at 6:44 am

Hi I started reading this post and then had to go back to parts 1 & 2 … not much I can say about her behavior but to agree with your Husbands reactions! I’m not in the nursing profession, but rather in the Customer Service one and regardless of the field I think there are some things that you need to deal with in a professional and caring manner. Keeping your customer’s information secure is an obvious one and regardless of what you do, that should be followed.

the mrs August 6, 2010 at 1:24 pm

Wow. What a story.
Hope the next few months go well!
(And she deserved to lose her job.)

Kenna ~AZ Momma of 3 August 6, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Just showing some comment love~ I am a fellow SITS girl.

Also I follow you on Blog Frog. Nice website!

Carolyn August 6, 2010 at 10:35 pm

HI giggirl.

Cannot believe all you have been through with this pregnancy. With all the appts, waiting with baited breath on bloodtests, the usual emotions expecting parents go through and this whole DOT thing. I am glad you have tried hard and put it behind you and returned to the clinic where you felt most comfortable. Please know your baby and your family are in my prayers for smiles and smooth sailing in your last trimester.

Alexis Cobb August 7, 2010 at 9:14 am

I am so glad everything worked out with this situation. You know how I felt about what happened! :)
I so enjoy reading your blogs!
Hope your feeling great!

Grace August 9, 2010 at 7:28 am

I love that you’re not allowing Dot to still call the shots! And I’m with you on the not ignoring coincidences thing. Congratulations!

Gig Girl August 9, 2010 at 4:16 pm

Thanks Grace! It’s been a crazy little ride, but I’m happy to be on the other side of it. Just had my 6 month visit today – all is good :)
Thank you for stopping in!

Lynn from For Love or Funny August 10, 2010 at 7:20 am

I’m thrilled to hear that you’ve reached your 24th week AND found a ob/gyn at the hospital you prefer! Saying a prayer for you and your child…and stopping by from SITS!

S.I.F. August 13, 2010 at 2:09 am

I cannot tell you how insane this entire story is to me. I am so glad Dot got fired. Seriously. That is EXACTLY what should have happened!

I am also so glad that you wound up at the clinic you belonged at and that your pregnancy has been progressing so beautiful… That is also EXACTLY what should have happened! 😉

Whew though! What a whirlwind!

Gig Girl August 13, 2010 at 7:19 am

Whirlwind is right – the Hubs and I still look at each other 5 months later and say “Did that really happen??”
I’ve been following you, S.I.F – and thinking nothing but good thoughts!!!
Thanks for checking in.

Kir August 13, 2010 at 9:05 am

wow, tears in my eyes and many many many congratulations to you.
I do believe that the universe and God tells you stuff….points you in the right direction if you’re listening.
I’m so glad that HE spoke to you and gave you this miracle too.


Heather August 13, 2010 at 2:56 pm

Hi Gig Girl!
I am new to your blog, but you just followed me on blogfrog so I thought I would visit you!
I love the way you write. I also believe that things happen for a reason. So go with your gut.
Thanks for reaching out to me.

Rachel August 14, 2010 at 6:57 am

I feel the same, that everything is for a reason. I’m doing some work (early in the morning – waiting for my appointment for pre-retrieval blood work and ultrasound) and remembered that I hadn’t read part III yet, so I pulled up your blog. Coincidentally, your due date is my grandfather’s birthdate (he passed away when I was 8) I often call on my all of my grandparents in prayer for strength in life. This cycle has been the best yet and I really believe that I was meant to read your blog today. I agree with you…if people look closely enough, they can see the signs God sends down. Thanks for posting and my thoughts and prayers are with you!

Rachel August 14, 2010 at 7:00 am

Now if this isn’t strange…where the smiley face is above was supposed to say 8 as in 8 years old. Does an 8 with a ) after it make a smiley? Because I really didn’t know that. Hmmm…..big man upstairs talking again???

Theresa August 14, 2010 at 11:29 am

I am so happy that you are coming along well in your pregnancy. Glad you were pointed in the right direction~
Amazing what listening and guidance can can do! All my best~

Vicki Huddleston August 15, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Ah Court. I’ve been in school and haven’t been reading here in a few blogs. I’m glad I got to read all three of this last topic all at one time. I’m so impatient for “the rest of the story”, and I would have been on pins and needles to find out what happened. So, let me get to it…I am thrilled for you. I am. I can’t tell you how happy it makes my heart to know that you have been blessed in so many ways since I last saw you. Again I tell you, what a gem you are! A lovely person deserving of all good things. Congratulations to you, your Hubs, and O. hugs from Texas

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